Monday, October 22, 2007

Apparently, I Am The Omega Roommate. I Am Not Allowed To Use The Bathroom.


Wolves do it outdoors.

While I was growing up with my lupine family in the forest preserves outside Chicago, I got used to thinking of the outdoors as my own personal WC. Leaves for toilet paper. That sort of thing. But now that I live in a house, I would just as soon do my personal private business within the bright white walls of what I've come to learn is called 'the bathroom.' Just because I can. Not so.

(To those of you who are wondering how all of this makes me the 'omega' roommate, it just so happens to be a little bit of wolf lingo describing the member of the group who is the outcast. Who is always getting metaphorically shit upon. Maybe literally. Of course, this could never happen to me because I am never allowed in the bathroom. But perhaps I shouldn't presume the shitting upon would take place there.)

Actually, it would probably be alright for me to use the bathroom if it were ever available. My roommate takes showers that are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long that I have to go to the bathroom three times over before he's done. I would go in the yard, but there's just a big cement slab back there. No little bushes for privacy. So I am back to square one.

1 comment:

Jack Morgan said...

Wolves pee like sooooooo much.