After careful thought, I have decided to contract to two additional non-resolutions for the coming new year. By continuing not to engage in these scurrilous (or in the case of non-resolution #2, just annoying) actions, I will help keep from making the world a worse place.
The non-resolutions as follows:
1. I will continue not to bathe in the blood of innocent virgins in an effort to turn back the clock and look younger by the minute. Especially now that Olay has that $30 regenerist face cream that beat the $700 jar of face cream in the taste test, there exists no cause for Elizabeth of Bathory style actions at this juncture.
2. I will continue not to buy any more cats and name them after celebrities, because one cat named after a celebrity is clearly enough. My cat, Gerard Butler, couldn't agree more with this non-resolution.