Monday, August 27, 2007

Thank You For the Money, Great Aunt So-and-So. I Will Now Forgive You For Your Weird Ethnic Customs.

Romania, the birthplace of the weird ethnic customs of my great aunt So-and-So

Lo-ove the baked goods and cash. Hate the doily you made me wear on my head at that stupid wedding of some relatives I didn't even know conducted in a language I can't speak other than to ask for various alcoholic beverages or to say dirty things about the Virgin Mary.

You know, great aunt So-and-So, there are Romanian traditions other than the fine art of wearing a doily on your head that might have been more fun for me to learn about.

You could have taught me how to make palinka. Because palinka is an alcoholic beverage, I would have even been able to talk a little bit about it in Romanian to you. We all know that is your favorite language.

But you insisted on making me wear a doily on my head.

Remember, I already knew the Draia family jumped straightaway into bootlegging when they came to the great country of Chicago. Instead of spending unappreciated time and energy making me wear a doily on my head, you could have just passed on some of your precious knowledge about distillery to me. I would have listened.

But still, thank you for the money. Maybe I can use some of it to pay back my adoptive parents a portion of what they've spent lulling me away from my wolfish ways and into the cradle of weird ethnic humanity.

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