FYI: My Brother Lives In The Crate And Barrel Catalogue

He even has those attractive storage baskets you see in all the pictures. Luckily I like the closet I live in or I would feel inferior.

Top O' The Morning To You

I don't know what it is that makes certain individuals take a perfectly good morning and shoot it up like it's the wild, wild west. One of these days I will figure it out and I will be sure to secure myself safely in my panic room when said events are most likely to occur. As for today, I was standing in the living room just enjoying the sunlight and my coffee pretty coincidentally standing quite close to the front windows wondering if maybe I should lie down on the floor until that rapid succession of popping noises finally stopped. The thing is though, I live on 54th street and I am pretty sure those noises were coming from the direction of 52nd street which is a whole other affair. 54th street is a magical place where groups of friendly children roam the streets practicing self-choreographed dance routines and adopting stray cats. I am not sure what noise is going on over on 52nd street, but they had better keep it there. Or stop altogether. Nobody wants bullet holes in their bathrobes. Thank you.

Today, Instead Of Drinking, I Just Sat Around And Watched The Olympics And Thought About Working Out. My Hair Looks Great Though.

Of course, the day is only half over.

My Alcohol Journal. Just A Little Tawdry Bit More.

Today I didn't drink anything. Yesterday I didn't either but spent most of the day under the covers with something that felt like fever chills. I was kind of out of it.

Today it all came back to me. First I thought long and hard about the situation I found myself in a few days back where I wasn't exactly sure if I should just go for it or instead sing a few bars of Liz Phair's, 'the Divorce Song' especially the part where she says that it's harder to be friends than lovers and it's better not to mix the two because if you do it and you're still unhappy, then you know that the problem is you. But what do I know. Maybe there's something else in between. Maybe not. I could barely walk by the liquor store today and its enticing supply of cold beverages of all sorts and varieties, and even later when I ate this especially juicy nectarine over the sink because I was making a mess of my self, I kept thinking how complementary the flavor would be to a white wine spritzer. Like the ones I had three or four nights ago. That was before the rum night. And the slow afternoon of beer. At first I thought I could just set fire to my eyes, because then I wouldn't see what I crave. But add taste and smell and even touch and sense and there is not much left. Not that I actually like white wine spritzers all that much, but they'll do in a pinch. All that aside, I think it is harder to be friends than lovers, but being lovers feels pretty fucking nice. Thank you.

Running vs. Swimming

Running and swimming are both great exercise. I'm more of a swimmer, but when I can't make it to the pool, I like to go for a run.

When I go swimming I look like a sleek dolphin moving gracefully and swiftly through the waves. Other women in the locker room tell me sometimes that they like to watch me swim. When I go running, I look like a stumbling elephant. It is a lesson in humility. Passing motorists try not to stare. I want to tell them that I am a great swimmer, that I am just having a flare-up of tendinitis right now and need to take a break, but of course there is no way to do that.

But now the Nintendo Wii offers friendly encouragement while I run in place in my living room. I am in heaven. It keeps asking me how much I weigh though. Weird.

Today Is A Good Day Today

This morning was chilly. A good day for a bathrobe.

Even though my tendinitis acted up during my swim, but whatever. Hardly anybody was at the pool today so I got to float around in the deep end a little. How relaxing.

Something else kind of cool happened to me today. I got some weird collect call messages on my voice mail that made me think someone I happened to be really pissed off at was in jeopardy, and immediately just felt really worried and so realized in a hurry that I actually do care about the person a lot and suddenly wasn't mad. Human emotions are weird and bizarre but today they seem slightly more manageable than in recent history. Once I figured out the mystery, listening to the message the third time through, I relaxed. (Although some unfortunate soul still has a wrong number.) And now I just got a phone call from said person. I hate my life. I love my life.

I've been translating Celan for the last two days. My brain feels tired but good. If I make it through tonight without drinking, I will be happy with myself. I think I used to be funny. Oh well.

A Good Idea About Feeling Sorry For Yourself

A wise woman told me last night that it is alright to feel sorry for yourself for twenty minutes a day. A Twenty Minute Pity Party she called it. I should indulge myself. This is just another reason not to drink. Drinking makes it harder to stick to the time limit. I am trying to come up with compelling reasons. Thank you.